21. Typical Barbara 我眼中的美玲 1978

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Barbara didn't like to be told what to do, even unasked helpful advises weren't appreciated . For example one time Barbara was playing a badminton match during a tournament. She had to win or else she was knocked out. But she didn't play very well, she was losing although her opponent was a lesser player. Barbara hit the shuttle nearly every time hard in the net. To be helpful I tried to coach her. I made a remark that she should try the hit the shuttle over the net. Instead of thanking me for this helpful advice she gave me a very angry look. From then on she started hitting the shuttle deliberately even harder in the net. Every time she looked at me with an expression "don't you dare to make a comment now!'. She didn't win that match and I think she blamed me for it. From then on I never made any more helpful or coaching comments towards Barbara.

Barbara lived in two separate worlds, with her family and with me. She didn't want those worlds to get in contact with each other. She would use everything within her abilities to prevent her family know what she did with me. She could be very extreme in this. Once we were driving on my motorbike past a traffic queue. Suddenly a woman stepped out of a car at the moment we were passing. Luckily we were driving very slowly. The door of car hid the bike, the bike skidded and I was thrown off. Barbara got caught underneath the bike, she had quite a big wound on her leg. The woman felt very guilty, she wanted to take Barbara immediately to the hospital. Barbara refused indisputable, no way she was going to the hospital, that way her mother would find out that she been with me on the back of a motorbike. Barbara could hardly walk, so she finally agreed that the woman would take her home. But only after the woman had promised that she would not mention a word about me, the motorbike or what happened to her mother or uncle.

While I lived day by day, Barbara was already planning our future. She persuaded me that we should open a saving account at the bank. Every time we had some spare money we went to the bank. It was something she wanted to do together, it made her feel happy and secure. Sometimes she lend that money out to Chinese families who needed a loan for their business. She assured me that the loans would always be payed back (without interest). To be honest I had no clue what Barbara did with the money, she was the accountant.

Barbara could be very sentimental about little things. One day I walked to the CCAT and I saw a nice deep red rose, just coming out of its bud. I took it with me to school and gave it to Barbara. She kept that rose all day. Every where she went that day, she was holding that rose. She cherished that flower like it was a very valuable and sensitive part of herself. At the end of the day she took it home. I don't know how long she kept it, I think a long time. I was very surprised, I thought "it is just a rose, but apparently not".

When Barbara was with people she didn't know very well, she was very polite and she tried to say what she thought people would like to hear. Sometimes she said things which I knew she didn't mean. That irritated me. I have been brought up in giving my opinion, who ever I am talking to. Barbara was different in this. I suppose it's a culture thing. We didn't argue about it. But every time she did it, I looked at her with the expression 'what can you be an hypocrite sometimes!'.

When Barbara and I were alone in the apartment or on holiday, Barbara liked wearing my shirts or jumpers. Probably because she didn't like to wear tight clothes, it made her feel comfortable. I suppose it was also a kind of feeling of freedom, not having to care what to look like or what to wear.

When we were together Barbara wanted to have some physical contact with me. Holding hands or putting her arm thru my arm. This also could be subtle like touching my leg with her leg or holding my finger. But there had to be contact. I noticed that many of posed pictures where she is with Kent, there was no contact. Someone told me that in those days in HK it was not common to touch each other in public, especially not celebrities. That must have been hard for Barbara.

The moments that Barbara and I went apart, she wanted a kiss, even if we be separated for just an hour. She said that if something would happen to me she would always remember that last kiss.

Barbara was in her way very caring for me. She never finished the food on her plate, she always left a bit. That was for me, I had to eat it. She gave me a jade stone to protect me against sickness, I had to wear it around my neck. She also gave a Saint Christophers medallion for my protection. She bought me warm and large clothes, like a Chinese silk coat or big sweater.to protect me against the English weather. This made me look very cuddly. It seemed that Barbara was very busy in keeping me healthy and alive.

Who's shirt is it?

我眼中的美玲

美玲不喜欢别人告诉她她应该干什么，即使是很有用的建议，如果她事先没问你的话，嘿，你惨了。有一次美玲在打羽毛球比赛，这场很关键，她必须得赢，不然就出局了。她打得不太好，对手并不强，可美玲快输了。她几乎每次都扣球，我想帮她，我做了个手势给她示意她向上打高球，美玲不但没感激我，反而很生气。接着她扣球扣得更狠了，看我的表情似乎在说：哼，看你还敢不敢发表意见！

美玲输了那场比赛，我觉得她怪我，认为是我的错。从那以后，我再也不给美玲指导意见了。

美玲生活在两个独立的世界，一边是她的家人，一边是我。她不想让这两个世界互相接触。她会竭尽所能防止她的家人知道她和我在一起，有时她真的有点走极端了。比如有次在拥挤的车流中我开摩托车带着美玲，突然有个女人打开车门，想下车，摩托车碰上了车门，好在我们的车速很慢，摩托车滑出去，我也摔下来，美玲就被压在摩托车底下，腿上伤了好大一块。那个女人非常内疚，她想马上送美玲去医院。美玲马上不容争辩地拒绝了。不可能去医院的，（医院会要求填写病人资料，通知家人）那样美玲妈妈就会知道美玲坐在我的摩托车后面，和我在一起。怎么办呢？美玲走不了路，没办法她只好同意那个女人送她回家，但要求那个女人必须答应：不能跟美玲的妈妈和舅父提起关于我，关于摩托车，或者关于这件事的任何一个字。

日子一天天过，不知何时美玲已经考虑我们的将来了。她说服我我们应该在银行开一个储蓄帐户，一有闲钱我们就去银行存起来。她想和我一起做这件事，这让她感觉甜蜜又塌实。有时美玲把钱借给需要钱做生意的华人家庭，她向我保证他们会还钱的（没有利息）。说实在的，我不知道她怎么管理那些钱，她是会计。

美玲会对一些小事情特别多愁善感。有一天我走路去CCAT，见到一朵美丽的深红色的玫瑰花刚刚绽开花蕾，我就摘下来带去学校给了美玲。她一整天都拿着那朵花，不论去哪里都拿着。她珍视那朵花，好象那朵花是她身上非常宝贵非常敏感的一部分。最后放学了，美玲把她拿回了家。我不知道她把那花保存了多久，可能很长时间吧。我很惊讶，我曾经以为那只是一朵玫瑰而已，可是很明显不是。

美玲跟不熟悉的人在一起时，她会非常有礼貌，说些别人喜欢听的话。有时我觉得她言不由衷，这让我很不愉快。我从小就被教育不管我在跟谁讲话，都诚实说出我自己的观点，一直这样长大。美玲在这点上很不一样，我想这是文化的差异。我们也没有因为这个争吵。不过每次她在那里言不由衷时，我都看着她，脸上的表情仿佛在说：现在的你怎么变成一个伪君子了呢！
只有我跟美玲在公寓，或放假没别人的时候，美玲喜欢穿我的衬衫或者套头衫。可能她不喜欢穿紧身的衣服，我的衣服对她来说宽松，她穿着舒服。我觉得这也是自由随意的一种感觉，不用管看起来好不好看或者穿上的是什么衣服。

当我们在一起时，美玲喜欢跟我有身体上的接触。拉着手，或者把她的手臂放在我的手臂里面。还有轻微的，比如腿碰腿，捉住我的手指。总之就是有碰到。我注意到美玲和汤镇业的照片里，他们没有那样的接触。有人告诉我说在那时的香港，公共场合一般不会那样，尤其是明星。那对美玲来说肯定很难受吧。

一旦我和美玲要分开，即使是只分开一个小时，她都会要一个KISS，她说如果我发生了什么事，她都会一直记得这个最后的KISS。
美玲用她的方式关心着我。她从来不把她盘里的食物吃完，总是留一点，那是给我的，我必须得吃掉。她给了我一块翡翠保佑我不生病，我必须得挂在脖子上。她还给了我一个圣克里斯多佛圆形雕饰保佑我。美玲给我买又暖又大的衣服，象中国蚕丝外套或者大毛衣，用来抵御英国的天气，我穿上很可爱，令人想抱抱。现在想起来美玲为了让我健康地好好活着，做了不少事情啊。

(translated by Julia)