I Wish I Were a Happy Child

Article written by Yung Mei Ling

I have no regrets about my choice. On the contrary, I will continue to work hard to make this 'wave' splash even brighter. Finally, I had the courage and hope to leave that lovely England, just as I left Hong Kong eight years ago, a choice I made. Eight years on, I have no doubt that I have adapted to the life there, which is light and comfortable, like a small boat moored in a small lake with no waves. Perhaps it has been moored for too long. I want to break out of the lake and see what lies beyond. I'm willing to challenge some waves!

I remember the excitement I felt when I first returned to Hong Kong, because everything was new and exciting, and for me it was an irresistible temptation. I told myself it was your choice and I was willing to give up the comfort to take on this challenge.
In the four months since I returned to Hong Kong, I have been changing and accepting every day and I have been unable to settle down.

From the Miss Hong Kong pageant until now, every moment has been so stressful that I can't breathe. Although I have not won any title, I have gained the two most valuable things - a lot of experience and new friends, which I believe are more important and necessary to me.

When I was first invited to work at TVB, I was hesitant because I had worked so hard in the UK for textile design, and if I joined TVB, I would be wasting my years of hard work. However, after some consideration, I decided to try my hand at TV. Immediately, many people wondered why I joined TVB.

I hope I have made the right choice for once! It's my first job and I want to cherish it and do it well, but unfortunately I can't. I've been away from Hong Kong for too long and I feel unfamiliar with a lot of things, and my Cantonese pronunciation has become less accurate, so my performance is somewhat affected. I hope that with time and effort, I can improve. Fortunately, my colleagues and friends in the company have been very helpful and encouraging, and I am very happy at work.

I've had my hopes and laughs, I've also had my disappointments and sorrows. ...... Often, when I meet new or old friends, they naturally ask me how I feel after coming to Hong Kong. Maybe my feelings today are different from when I arrived in Hong Kong.

As the saying goes, it can be sad when you are in a situation, so your emotions are always affected by the environment, friends and things around you. I remember how excited and confident I was when I stepped out of the airport that day. The scenery was new, the noise was lively, the sun was mild.

Everything from eight years ago was there again, and it was something I missed so much that I wished everyone knew how happy I was at that moment. I don't want to think about the future and what it will be like.

Now I have to put my years of humdrum life behind me and re-join the glitz and glamour of Hong Kong! Although in just four months, I have tasted all the joys and sorrows, I have hoped, been excited and laughed. I have also been disappointed, uncertain and sorrowful.

I believe in fate, and the ups and downs of life can be used as a way to sharpen ourselves and make us more mature, so I cannot live without these highlights of life. Although everyone has the right to keep their innermost secrets, sometimes they unknowingly reveal them. When you are on your own, you may be able to speak your mind, but when you have no help, the feeling of loneliness and loss is unbearable. I wonder why I am such a stranger to everything here.

I was like a baby learning to walk, feeling my way, looking for someone to support me, learning about my surroundings, what a terrible start! Even though humans are the most adaptable, every beginning or change is bound to bring infinite confusion and uncertainty. I wish I were lucky enough to meet someone who would support me, I tell you! I can see the wide road ahead!

Source: The Fairy of the World, Yung Mei Ling. p35-37
     Commemorating the first anniversary of the death of Yung Mei Ling / Starlight Publishing

source: http://www.barbarayung.net/

但願我是幸願兒

我沒有後悔自己的選擇,反之,我會繼續努力工作下去,讓這個「浪花」濺得更燦爛。終於提起勇氣和希望離開那可愛的英國,尤如八年前我離開香港,是一個抉擇。八年了,無疑自己已適應那邊的生活,清淡、安逸,像艘停泊在無波無浪小湖中的一隻小船。或許停泊得太久。我要闖出這個小湖,看看小湖外的天地,我願向一些浪花挑戰!

記得初回港時那份心情特別興奮,因為一切都意味著新鮮和刺激,對我來說,這是一種無可抗拒的誘惑。我告訴自己這是你的選擇,我甘心放棄那份安逸來迎接這個挑戰。
在我返港後的這四個月來,每天不停在轉變、不停的接受,我簡直無法安寧下來。

從選港姐至今踏入無線上作,每一刻都是那麼緊張,簡直使我喘不過氣來。無線參選港姐是給予自己一個很好的學習和適應機會,雖然沒有獲得任何頭銜,但我已得到最寶貴的兩樣東西~從中吸取到很多經驗和認識很多新朋友,這些對我來說相信會比較重要和需要。

我竟然幸運地能進入無線工作,當初無線邀我演出時,我曾經猶豫不決過,因為辛辛苦苦在英國讀完紡織設計回來,如果加入無線工作,豈不是學非所用,白白浪費了這辛苦多年的成果?不過,幾經考慮後,我還是決定嘗試演出電視。立即便引起很多人奇怪,為甚麼我會入無線?

世事很多時就是「無心插柳柳成蔭」的,但願我的另一次抉擇是對的! 「婦女新姿」是我的第一份工作,當然要好好地珍惜它,更想盡量把它做好,可惜力不從心,因為離開香港實在太久了,對很多事物都感到陌生,加上廣東話咬字發音也變得不大準確,故多多少少也會影響表現。如今祇有希望隨著時間的練習和努力會有所改進。幸而公司上下的同事、朋友都給予我無限的幫助和鼓勵,工作得也非常開心,更希望觀眾能諒解我的短處,給我一個學習的時間和機會!

我期望過、歡笑過,我也失落過、辛酸過……很多時,無論遇上了新朋或舊友都會自自然然問及我來港後的感受,一個聽來多麼切身的問題,奈何卻感到如此難於解答呢?可能如今的感受與當日到港時,真是有些不同!

正所謂觸景可以傷情,故內心的情緒每每會因週圍的環境、朋友、事物以致有所感觸。記得當日踏出機場的步伐是如許的興奮和自信。景物是新奇的、喧聲是熱鬧的、陽光是溫和的。

八年前的一切又出現於眼前了,那些都是自己十分懷念的,那刻但願所有人知道我多麼欣喜。也不會去想那日後的日子和遭遇是怎樣的?

現在,我要把多年來的平淡生活置於腦後而去重投那繁華的-香港!雖然短短四個月中,已嘗盡喜怒哀樂的滋味,我期望過、興奮過、歡笑過。相對地,我也失落過、徬徨過、辛酸過。

我相信命運的安排,而人生路上的起伏,可用作磨練自己的,可以使我們更加成熟,所以我不能沒有這些生命的花絮。有人樂極生悲,亦有人苦中作樂,甚至有人笑中有淚,這一切一切的悲與樂是視乎個人感受的表現,雖然每個人都有權保留自己內心的秘密,但有時自己不知不覺中會表露無遺。換上了自己,或者還可以吐吐心聲,可是當無援的時候,那種孤寂和失落的感受真是苦不堪言。我更奇怪自己,為何對這兒的一切竟是如此的陌生?

我有如一個開始學行的嬰兒般,在摸索的前進,在尋找扶持我的人兒,在了解週遭環境,多麼可怕的開始!儘管人類是最能適應環境的,但每一次的開始或轉變都一定會帶來無限的困擾和徬徨,抬起頭來吧!要盡自己的本能去刻服一切的挑戰,但願我是個幸運兒,會遇到那扶持我的人兒,告訴你呀!我已遙望到那廣闊的前路了!

資料來源:人間仙子翁美玲.P35-37
     紀念翁美玲逝世一週年/星輝出版

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