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facebook/rob radboud
rmmmm1959@hotmail.com
Rob Radboud

www.barbarayung.nl

Barbara Yung's life in England

2012-06-28

 interview SMD

interview SMD part 2

 

 

 

 

 

The Chinese text of this interview can be found at:

http://gcontent.oeeee.com/4/99/4992f85f02e4d718/Blog/e5f/e1c14e.html

  

The original text of the interview:

 

Part 1 about the website(关于网站制作)

1. The love between you and Barbara was so touching.The website reminds people's memory of Barbara.

What was the main feeling when you were building up this website, happy,sweet, sad, or any others?

(您和Babara爱情是如此动人。因为这个网站您和她的点滴都被回忆勾起。在您建立这个网站的过程里,您最常涌现的感受是什么——开心、甜蜜、悲伤还是其他?)

 

It was a very happy feeling. It was as if I was re-living those days again. I wrote those stories when everybody of my family had gone to bed.

It was quiet then and I could let my memories go back to thirty years back.

It seemed as I was entering a movie, some of the stories I remembered as very clear images.

 

2. As you mentioned in the website, there are increasing number of fans asking you the stories about Barbara, then you decided to establish

the website.But building a website might not be your strength, did you do any work or job like this in the past

(您在网页上说因为有越来越多的影迷问您babara的故事所以才促使决定做这个网站。但做一个网站应该算不上您的强项吧您先前有做过类似的工作)

 

I had no experiences in websites or anything from the internet. I build the website when I had holiday for a week and I had nothing else to do.

I searched on the internet on how to build a website. I also asked someone in my village, he gave me some advices which got me on the way.

 

3. When you decide to establish this website, have you ever felt no idea about anything? Did you take a course to learn skills special for it?

决定做网站开始动工时会否感觉毫无头绪为此您有去专门了解或学习过

 

No, just trying out things and see how it worked. Which was frustrating sometimes when things didn't go as I wanted them to go.

 

4. When establishing this website, did you meet any difficulty that was extremely hard?

(在建立这个网站的过程中您有遇到什么难以克服的困难

 

No, not really.

 

5. Building a website take your time and attention. Did you should pay for money to build it upIf yeswould you mind telling us the

amount of money

网站除了花费精力外是否还需要花费您的财力如果有金钱上的支出请问方便透露数字

 

No I didn't pay anybody to build it. The website in past didn't cost me much, as I used the cheapest hosting service I could find.

That was good enough for the 200 visitors a day the website used to have. But now with the enormous amount of visitors the last month

(nearly all webhosting companies refused me) I had work with a real professional hosting company, who host websites from

mayor international companies. The service they give is really good and the website is much faster and easily accessible,

even when there are many users at the same time.

Unfortunately I have to pay the price for this now. That is why put a donate buttom on the site.

 

6. As we know, the website took three years to build. During this period, how do you manage you time? Did it affect your daily life or work?

(这个网站历时三年才制作完成。在这三年中您做这项工作的时间是如何分配和安排会占用您平时多少的时间这有没有耽误到您平时的日常工作和生活)

 

No, I only worked on the website on Sunday evening when everybody had gone to bed. I do check the website every day, in case of

abusive comments, which unfortunately sometimes happens. I remove them then. I don't mind comments about me from people who

disagree with me but I do mind comments that are disrespectful. One time I removed a visitor who was disrespectful to women.

He didn't understand why I removed his comment.

Another time two visitors were arguing with each other and eventually they were calling each other all kind of names. I removed them as well,

which made them angry towards me.

 

7. The main materials of your website are pictures and words. Most of pictures are over 30 years, but they have been kept very well.

How did you make it

Did Babara also have a copy of these photos

网站的素材主要是图片和文字。虽然已经经过了二三十年光阴但呈现在网上的照片都完好如初。这些图片冲晒出来是你和babara各保留一份?看得出您很珍视这些照片

您是如何保存的?)

 

I have to thank my father for keeping those pictures. My father was (he died last year) very precise in his administration, also with pictures.

He archived all the pictures we took very well, with the date and place they were taken. Barbara never kept a copy of those pictures.

She was too afraid that her mother would find them and that would certainly lead to arguments.

 

8. Had you revisited your old places for taking some new photos when you build the website?

Why did you go back to those few places? And what are the meanings to you?

(为了完善网站的内容您有特地旧地重游去拍一些新照片对么为什么特地要回去这几个地方对您而言有什么重要的意义)

 

I went back because I had nice memories of those places. Some of those places I visited with my English friends of those days.

Which is even nicer as they could share their nice memories as well. I also went back in the hope that it would stimulate my

memory and that way I would remember more stories.

 

9. Is this your first time writing such long passages? Which passage is your favoriteand why?

(这是您第一次写这么长篇的文字吗在和Babara这么多的回忆片段里您最喜欢的是哪一个片段)

 

Sometimes I write a dairy, mostly during the holidays. Once I wrote an article about a ski-ing holiday organized by the university.

 I wrote about my experiences during this holiday. This article was very well received; It was about 5 pages long. I also enjoyed

writing letters.

A few of the people I mail with get very long mails from me. But the last few months I have no time for this anymore.

My favorite passage is "nearly discovered". Mainly because I remember nearly every minute of it.

Just imagine how I felt, lying there underneath the blankets and hearing Barbara's mother footsteps coming up the stairs.

I still feel that sweat on skin now, when I think of it while I am writing this.

(My eldest daughter just asked me "why are you smiling like that, dad? ")

 

10. Do you remember the first day of your website open to the publicDo you remember the first commend from fan

How do you feel at that time

Is there any comments made you feel most touched or proud of

还记得网站是在哪一天正式向公众开放记得您收到的第一个影迷留言当时的心情如何您听过的最让您感觉骄傲或者感动的留言是什么

 

Yes, I it is very exciting opening a website and then see of people are able to find it. The first few days I left some

comments on forums, to attract some attention.

The first comment was made by Carina, my contact from the Hong Kong fan club of Barbara. She complimented me on my work.

It is always nice to get positive reactions. What surprised me is that people make comments in which they tell about their own experiences,

I think they are very brave and somehow I feel proud that I can give them a place to tell their stories.

I even made a special menu on the site where people tell their own experiences. Somehow I feel that Barbara would

rather be remembered as a person where people could turn to with similar problems as she had, then as she is remembered now,

as a pretty actress.

A few weeks ago I read a book from Jean Kwok "Girl in translation", I believe it is also going to be published in Chinese.

In this book she describes from personal experiences the life of 11 year old girl who moves from Hong Kong alone with her mother to the USA.

This book got a lot of attention from the media. Mainly because it is one of the few books that describes the life of first generation

Chinese immigrants and the problems their children have to deal with. My website does in fact the same, and I hope therefore that

more people will tell their stories on my website to let everybody know how difficult life was for these immigrants.

Maybe one day people remember Barbara more for this than for what she is known by today. I think she would be very proud of me then.

 

11. From 6th June, you closed your website because the huge amount of visitors. Did you ever imagine the effect of this website?

Do Chinese fans acting over your imagination?

66日起为网站浏览量太大的缘故您暂时关闭了babara的网站。您有预料到这个网站会带来这么大的反响中国网友的热情是不是超乎您想象了

 

I used to publish one story a week, every Wednesday. The same group of fans who followed my stories every week.

When the stories finished the visitors were getting less. I tried to put new things on by publishing things from my

research of Barbara's life in Hong Kong.

I also added translations of letters and radio-interviews or television interviews, which very kindly provided by some fans.

Then suddenly this article appeared in a Hong Kong magazine, followed by a TV-documentary. This completely took me by surprise.

I never thought that Barbara still was this popular. To think of it that she lived nearly 30 years ago and she was

only an actress for 2,5 years. This amount of attention is beyond every imagination.

 

12. In addition to built this site,will you plan anything else for babara

除了建这个网站您还有计划为babara做其他事情

 

I have no plans, but I wish that some one would write a book about her life and then a film script and then that someone makes a movie of it.

I wish I could let people see what I have experienced with Barbara, I think only a movie can come close to that.

 

Part2 In The Past过去

 

13. In you passages you have mentioned "Barbara said that she loved seeing that my parents were still holdings hands and cuddling each other.

She hoped that when we were that age (about 50) we still be that affectionate". It makes people have a wonderful imagination,

if Barbara and you did not break up, what would you be like? Did you ever have thoughts like that, If Barbara did not break up with you,

what would you be like now? would you merry her ?

(您曾在文章中写道"babara欢看我的父母手牵手互相拥抱彼此她希望当我们五十岁的时候也能像他们一样"这句话让许多人会想一个美好的假设。假如RobBabara没有分开,

们也会这样?您是否有过这样的念头:假如您们当初没有分开,现在的您们会怎样

 

If we would be together, I certainly be married, Barbara would not accept it otherwise. And I think we still be as affectionate,

I am still cuddling and holding hands with my wife. It is just part of a normal relation for me.

I am certain that my life would be very different from my life now. Barbara and I were very different in characters.

My wife and I have very much the same characters. I can't imagine how we would cope with bringing up children, making a career,

solving the cultural and family problem, when you both are so different in character. We wouldn't argue, but one of us would have to give in

and I am afraid that would have been me. Barbara's character was much stronger than mine.

 

14. The story of Barbara and you is so beautiful, even though it has passed over twenty years. Have you ever regretted separate from her?

二十多年后回看这段恋情它依然美好如昔。您有后悔跟她分开

 

Not at the time we separated as we both knew that staying together was not going to work. But now I found out

how unhappy she been after we separated, I feel regret and a guild that I didn´t stay in contact with her.

 

15. Do you have pity on this relationship, such as some unfinished promises?

这段恋情有遗憾比如有哪些承诺是您们未完成的

 

No, if you see how hard we tried to stay together, I think we did everything we could do at the time.

I don´t think you can blame any of us of for not trying hard enough.

 

16. In this relationship, What does she attract you most?

这段恋情中Babara最吸引您的地方是什么?)

 

Barbara´s unconditional love. I have never met someone who like Barbara was willing to offer everything for a relation.

 

17. You mentioned that Barbara had positive influence on you, can you make an example?

您提到babara对您产生了积极的影响能否举个例子

 

In that time I lived from day to day. And my only concern in life was having a good time. I had no ambitions and I was willing to

 try anything.

Barbara was much more serious and because she had more life experience, as she also had to manage the fish and chip shop,

she taught me that people are not always what they seem to be. I would believe anything what someone told me,

Barbara was more suspicious and careful.

One time I was walking through London and a strange guy asked me if I wanted to join him for a drink.

I thought why not, luckily Barbara persuaded me that it might not be such a good idea to go drinking with strange men.

And she was wright of course.

 

18. When Barbara decided to go to Hong Kong, did she tell you? If yes, what did you talk about?

Babara决定回港有告诉你如果有你们当时说了些什么

 

No, after we broke up we had no contact any more.

 

19. As you mentioned in your website, Barbara was playing in the Eagle-shooting Hero, instead of acting.

Can you explain why do you think so?when you stay with babarahad you found her acting potential

您在网站中说到您觉得翁美玲演射雕英雄传是在玩而不是演戏可以解释一下吗在您们相恋的时候您能看得出babara的演艺潜能

 

Barbara could be very playful. And that is what I recognized when she played in the Eagle shooting Hero.

I stopped watching this series after the fourth DVD. I still didn´t see her acting. I never saw any acting potential

in Barbara and she never showed any ambition in acting. I guess it was just very good casting that she played in the Eagle shooting Hero.

 

20. would you feel surprise of babara to be an actress when you were broke up

有想过她会去走演艺圈这条路吃惊么

 

Yes, I was very suprised. I wasn´t surprised that she was a model, but an actress, yes that was a surprise.

 

Part 3 If there is a postman in the heaven?(假如天堂有信差

 

21. How did you know Barbara pass away? What did you do at that moment? What were your mood and reaction?

(您是何时知道babara离世的消息的还记得当时的您在做什么您的心情和反应是怎样的)

 

I received a letter from my friend DI who had seen her grave. I was very down when I got the news, I describe this

in one of my stories on the website.

 

22. About Barbara's suicide, you replied a Hong Kong magazine that "I can say that I was not surprised to hear that babara

had committed suicide", why did you say that?

(对于babara杀的经历您近期回复香港一本周刊中说"I can say that I was not surprised to hear that babara had committed suicide".为什么这么说)

 

That is because I experienced Barbara´s suicide history in England. I knew that if Barbara was pressurized to much, she probably would

try a suicide to escape from the situation.

 

23. Before being an artist, Barbara had a suicide experience; she took a whole bottle of the sleeping draught because she

refused to leave you.

This might prove that she was a person living by relationship; did you ever notice that she was fragile?

Barbara出道前就有过自杀经历为了不愿意和您分开而吞服了安眠药这证明她是个很重感情的人。您有想过她是这么一个感情脆弱的人吗

 

Yes, if you read my stories then you find this a common theme. Barbara was very emotional vulnerable. She gave everything

she had in a relation and that made her vulnerable. If she thought that my attention for her was getting less,

she would feel uncertain and become very emotional.

 

24. In your website, you stressed that her last words "Darling, I love you" was wrote in English. According to this, you think

the last words were left to you, or you hope so?

(babara死去的那一晚她最后写下的文字是"darlingI love you"。您在故事最后问,为什么她用英文写下这句话。您认为这句遗言是为您留的?还是您希望如此?)

 

I don´t know why she wrote those words in English. When I was told, the first thing I thought was 'oh no,

I hope that is not meant for me´. I started looking in her life story, hoping that I could find something about

another ,English, boyfriend after we broke up. I haven´t found anything yet. No, I certainly hope that it is not meant for me,

it would mean that she never got over our relation, and that makes me feel so sorry for her as she deserved a happy loving life.

 

25. If there is postman in heaven, will you write a letter to Barbara? What would you talk about ther?

(假如天堂有信差此刻的您会写信babara您在信中会对她说些什么)

 

Yes I certainly would write her a letter, a nice long one, and I would ask her to read my website. We would have a great time

remembering those stories again.

 

26. What's your feeling on Barbara now? love or miss?

(觉得现在对翁美玲的感情是什么是爱情还是怀念)

 

Not love or missing. I feel sorry for her, that she never experienced the happiness as I have now with my family.

I did love Barbara very much, but

I have moved on and found a new love and new happiness. I wish that Barbara had done the same. But to be honest,

Barbara still has a piece of my heart and that will always be hers.

 

27. As what you do for Barbara, your memories and love, we can know that you look Barbara heavy. And from the website,

you told you have three daughters with your girlfriends, but not married. What is your opinions on love and marriage?

(从您Babara所做的这些以及您对这段感情清晰的记忆可以知道您是一个很重感情的人。我们从网站中得知,您和女友相恋多年并育有三个女儿

处和睦,但您和女友却没有结婚。现在的您对爱情和婚姻的看法是怎样的)

 

I believe that when you are in love you stay together, there is no marriage needed to make sure you do. A marriage is a promise

that many people can´t keep. I have seen to many marriages breaking up.

 

28. Do you know who Ken Tong is? What's your impress on him? After Barbara left, almost people blame her death on Tong,

what do you think on it?

(您知道汤镇业这个人你对他的印象如何babara离开后外界将很大部分的原因都归咎于他。你如何看待外界的这种态度)

 

I read about Kent. I have no opinion about him as I don´t know him. But I suspect that Kent didn´t known how emotional

fragile Barbara was, as she probably never told him much about her life (and suicides) in England.

I think Kent actually confirmed that Barbara never told him about me.

I wouldn´t mind meeting Kent, I think we would have a lot to talk about.

It would even be better if he would publish his memories of Barbara on my website.

 

29. The last question, could you please offer our newspaper one or two photos of Barbara which you made public?

Or in your memory, can you share us one or two impressive things that you went through with Barbara?

(最后有一个冒昧的请求。您是否愿意给我们报纸提供一两张您未在网站公开但并不介意和大家分享的babara图片或者在您的记忆里

还有没有愿意和大家分享的一两件和babara共度印象深刻的事情)

 

For the pictures, just take your pick from the website.

One of the most impressive memories I have was that one day Barbara entered my apartment (she had her own key). I

 stood up to greet her.

She walked towards me without saying a word, put her arms around me and hold me really tight. Then she started crying.

It was one of those moments that the pressure became to much for her and then she would just break up

and let her emotions go.

And then while I was standing there, feeling her warm tears through my T~shirt on my chest, I felt this anger and frustration in me.

Not towards Barbara, but towards this whole situation and that I was incapable of doing something about it.

And because of this Barbara was crying now.ll

 

The translated text op the interview as it was published.

ND Daily’s exclusive interview with Barbara Yung’s ex-boyfriend Rob: “She is a person who is willing to give up everything for love”

Earlier this month (June), Rob – the ex-boyfriend of late actress Barbara Yung (翁美玲) – suddenly became a popular search topic on the Internet. The main reason for this is because 3 years ago, Rob started working on a memorial website to commemorate his ex-girlfriend Barbara – the project was finally completed in April of this year (2012). The website -- which chronicles Rob and Barbara's 'Cambridge love story' through many priceless pictures and stories from their years together in England – stirred up many fond memories of the actress for fans and visitors to the site.

In many people's hearts, Barbara will always be their favorite 'Wong Yung'. Though her career in the entertainment industry was very short, it was still glorious and unforgettable. She entered the industry in 1982 after participating in that year's Miss Hong Kong pageant. The next year, in 1983, her memorable performance as 'Wong Yung' in TVB's Legend of the Condor Heroes《射雕英雄传》shot her to instant fame and along with it came endless opportunities to film series, perform at events, sing, host, etc. In May of 1985, at the height of her career, Barbara suddenly decided to end her life – she was 26 years old. Almost immediately after Barbara's suicide, her boyfriend at the time, actor Kent Tong (湯鎮業), became an instant target of 'attack' by shocked fans and audiences, many of whom made the assumption that Barbara killed herself because of issues in the couple's relationship.

For many years, these 'assumptions' cast a tragic light on Barbara's love life – every time the topic of Barbara's relationships would come up, Kent Tong's name would inevitably be mentioned. Therefore, when Rob's existence as Barbara's ex-boyfriend became known, many people were surprised and astonished. Even though Rob and Barbara's relationship also did not last, the many stories from their 5 year 'Cambridge love story' touched many people's hearts. At the same time, these glimpses into her life in England also presented to the world a different side of Barbara that was previously 'undiscovered' by audiences. As some of her fans stated: "reading these stories was like peeling an onion – each story revealed a part of Barbara that most audiences did not know, bringing us closer to the 'real Barbara' in the process."

In addition to re-acquainting ourselves with Barbara, Rob's existence also evoked feelings of curiosity about him among fans and the Media alike. What kind of a person is Rob in real life? How much 'sweat and blood' was put into the 3 year production of his website in Barbara's memory? With the 30 years that have passed, how are the memories of their relationship so vividly and clearly ingrained in his brain? Were there any regrets in their relationship? Towards this woman whom he had once loved deeply, what are his feelings now? Why did Barbara's last words of "Darling, I love you" leave a feeling of regret in his heart? So many unanswered questions prompted us [ND Daily's reporters] to 'cross borders' and reach out to Rob in Holland for an interview.

From the time the interview was scheduled to when it was completed, it took nearly a month. During the process, Rob had expressed hesitation at one point – he explained to ND Daily's reporter that prior to this, he had never done any interviews before. Even though he was contacted by many Media outlets recently requesting interviews, he expressed that he hopes to maintain a low profile as much as possible. In the end, he only agreed to accept interviews with 2 Media outlets – one is a Chinese Media outlet in his home country of Holland and, very fortunately, the second one is this interview with us (ND Daily).

In his response back to us, Rob wrote: "I responded to all of your questions truthfully – nothing at all was concealed."

PART 1

Regarding his website: Never thought that it would receive the massive attention it did

Thanks to the Internet and social media, Rob and Barbara's love story became known to the world.

In December 2009, Rob did a small experiment on-line. He wanted to see how much information there was about him online, so he did a quick search and was amazed to find that there was actually quite a lot of info about him on the Internet. This made him wonder – how much information would there be about people who existed prior to the dawn of the Internet (and social media)? The first person that came to mind for him was Barbara Yung, who had already passed away decades ago: "I couldn't believe what I saw! I read some stuff about Barbara in Wikipedia and subsequently started to read some of the things written about Barbara by fans on their sites. I noticed that there was no information whatsoever about my relationship with Barbara on any of the Internet sites. Therefore, I wrote to a few websites and told them that I had some memories and old pictures to share, but never received any responses. I also noticed that in recent years, there wasn't much new information regarding Barbara being released -- in fact, some of the websites [dedicated to her] didn't even exist anymore! I assumed that with all the years that have passed, everyone had probably already forgotten Barbara."

During New Year's, Rob and his family decided to create a video clip commemorating Barbara – his dad dug up a lot of old photographs of the couple, which Rob included in the clip, then uploaded it to the Internet with the title 'A Love Story That No One Knew About'. Afterwards, the fansites that he had written to previously voluntarily contacted him – many of them emailed him inquiring about his memories of Barbara and that's when he started recording the memories of their relationship down on paper. That was the year 2010 – coincidentally, it was also the 25th anniversary of Barbara's death.

Throughout the past 3 years, Rob has been recounting the story of his relationship with Barbara via pictures on his website. When the website was still in its infant stages, the few pictures he had uploaded were already being re-posted to other sites. By the time he finally completed his website in April 2012, he had already added dozens more photos, including a few more 'intimate' ones where he and Barbara were holding hands or kissing. The couple's love story slowly started to spread to various Chinese websites and with that, various Media outlets started reporting on his website, making it known to a lot of people. The site quickly garnered an overwhelming number of hits, to the point that the servers the website was on could no longer support it, causing the site to freeze up and become inaccessible. On June 6th, Rob had to shut down the website in order to perform maintenance on it and re-opened it a week later.

Q&A

ND: Throughout the course of creating this website, what were some of the feelings that you experienced?

Rob: It was a very happy feeling – it felt as though I was transported back to those days. When the rest of my family was asleep, I started writing down the stories – in the silence of the night, my memory went back 30 years and everything started coming back very clearly. I felt like I had entered a movie.

ND: As a medical student, creating websites probably wasn't a strength of yours, right?

Rob: I've never had any experience creating websites. When I was working on this site, I actually had a week off, so I asked one of my neighbors and he gave me some advice on how to go about doing it.

ND: How did you arrange the time to work on the website? Did it interfere with your job and regular family life?

Rob: No, it didn't interfere much. I would pretty much wait until Sunday night each week and work on the website while the rest of my family was asleep. Of course, I would check the website everyday for abusive and insulting comments from people – which unfortunately happened more often than not – and sometimes, I would end up having to delete those comments. I don't mind people criticizing me or being opposed to what I'm doing, but I do mind when people post comments that are overly disrespectful.

ND: Many of the pictures on the site are still in such good condition. We're curious how you were able to maintain them like that for so long? Did both you and Barbara keep a set of the same pictures?

Rob: I really have to thank my father, who passed away last year. He's a person with a very orderly lifestyle, which extended to maintaining family photos and keepsakes. He was very good about marking down the time/date and location on every single photo we had in the family and then storing them in a safe place. Barbara never kept copies of the photos because she was afraid that her mother would find out about our relationship, which would've definitely caused a lot of issues.

ND: It's obvious that you put a lot of effort into creating this website. In addition to the old photographs, you had also returned to the same places the two of you visited and took new pictures as well, right?

Rob: Yes, I went back and re-visited some of the places, mainly because I had many beautiful memories there. Some of the places I had actually revisited with my friends from England – it was great because they were able to re-live some of those beautiful memories as well.

ND: Through your writings, you chronologically recorded the various stories between you and Barbara. Many of the writings are very detailed – is this your first time doing such long writings?

Rob: Sometimes, I do write in my journal, especially during the days when I'm off. I also enjoy writing letters – on occasion, some of my friends might receive a long, detailed letter from me. In the last few months though, I haven't had time to do it anymore.

ND: Do you remember the first day that your website officially went public?

Rob: After I published my website, I checked back frequently to see if people were able to find it. It was very exciting! I remember the very first comment on the site was from Carina, who is my contact from Barbara's fan club in HK, praising the work that I had done. To a certain extent, I feel this would help people have deeper memories of Barbara because they went through similar experiences as her and not merely remember her as 'that beautiful actress'. I feel that she [Barbara] would have been proud of me!

ND: It took you 3 years to complete the website. Besides taking up a lot of your time and energy, did it also cost a lot of money?

Rob: I did not hire any professionals to help with the site. In the past, the website didn't cost too much money because I would use the least expensive server I could find that was able to accommodate 200 hits [people visiting the site] per day. But last month, with the overwhelming increase in people visiting the site, the server ended up crashing. I had to work with a company that provided a larger capacity server – the service package is excellent, but unfortunately, I have to pay a large sum of money every month to maintain the server. That's one of the reasons why I added a section to the website for donations.

ND: Were you expecting the massive number of visitors to the site? Did the enthusiasm of netizens visiting the site exceed your expectations?

Rob: In the past, I would do a posting on the website every Wednesday and there were a few people who consistently followed the stories – but after the stories were completed, the number of visitors were less frequent. Based on my research of Barbara's life in HK, I would consistently update my site with various types of information, including translated articles, links to radio and television interviews, etc. I had never thought that Barbara would continue to remain so popular even today, as she passed away close to 30 years ago and her acting career was very short-lived – only 2 ½ years or so. For the website to receive such massive attention is completely beyond my imagination."

PART 2

Memories: When her family tried to end the relationship, she protested with her life

Through his writings, photographs, and video links, Rob tried the best he could to record the story of his relationship with Barbara Yung. Rob writes in English, however each time, he would ask his friend to help him translate his writings into Chinese and then publish both versions so that non-English speakers would have the chance to read his writings as well.

The clarity with which Rob remembers the details of his relationship with Barbara is astonishing. Their story started when they first met back in 1976. Even though Barbara's family was vehemently opposed to it, the 2 of them insisted on starting a relationship – throughout the 5 years they were together, their lives were blissful, but at the same time, they had to carefully protect the relationship that they knew might not last in the long term. Their romantic days at Cambridge, their apprehensive New Year's rendezvous, their blissful Italy trip, their comical 'walking the dog' experience, their 'perfect and romantic' engagement ceremony, the dreaded meeting with the parents, the 2 painful and heartwrenching breakups.....Rob recorded all of these experiences in great detail – even some of the conversations that they had were recorded at great length. Rob expressed that even he is unable to understand how he is able to remember everything with such great clarity.

Rob's description of Barbara is a woman who is beautiful and outstanding, yet sensitive and fragile; she's also very willful, gets jealous, and knows how to 'pretend' when circumstances warrant – when someone tries to get in the way of her love relationship, she can be determined to the point of sacrificing her life to 'protest' it.

Barbara once told Rob that she hopes when the two of them are 50 years old, they can be like Rob's parents – still holding hands, hugging, and madly in love with each other. Unfortunately, even such a romantic love story could not survive the harshness of reality, as the couple eventually broke up. Rob states: "Looking back, not being able to keep in contact with each other for fear of disturbing each other's current lives was the biggest mistake that the two of us made."

Indeed, this is an optimistic thought to ponder: if the two of them had not broken up, or, if the two of them had kept in touch after they broke up, how would things have turned out?

Q&A

ND: Of all the stories that you told of your relationship with Barbara, which one is your favorite?

Rob: My favorite is the 'Almost Discovered' story, mainly because I very clearly remember every single minute from that moment – imagine how I felt lying underneath the blanket, holding my breath, and hearing the footsteps of Barbara's mother coming up the stairs....whenever I write about or recall that moment even now, I can still feel the sweat on my skin from the nervousness. (At that moment, my oldest daughter would ask me: 'Dad, why are you smiling like that?')

ND: What about Barbara attracted you the most?

Rob: Her unconditional love. I have never encountered such a woman as her who was so willing to sacrifice everything for love.

ND: In one of your writings, you mentioned that one impact Barbara had on you was that you became more energetic and proactive. Any specific examples?

Rob: At that time, I wasn't ambitious and would just muddle my way through life – the only thing I cared about in life was whether I was happy. In comparisons, Barbara was a lot more serious and she had a lot more life experience – at the time, in addition to going to school, she also worked at a place that sold fish and chips. She taught me that people are not always as they seem on the surface. In the past, I would believe pretty much every single thing that people told me, whereas Barbara was more cautious and suspicious about things. For example, one time when we were walking down the street in London, a stranger approached and asked if I wanted to go drinking at a bar with him – I thought 'why not?' – luckily, Barbara convinced me that going out for a drink with a stranger was not a good idea. Of course, she was right.

ND: 30 years may have passed, but you still have beautiful memories of your life with Barbara. Do you regret breaking up with her?

Rob: Both of us knew that being together wouldn't work out in the future. But I actually didn't find out until recently how unhappy her life was after we broke up. I feel regretful and guilty for not keeping in touch with her after we broke up.

ND: Any regrets in the relationship itself?

Rob: No. If you guys were able to see all the efforts we had put in to be together, you would understand why. I feel that we already did everything we could have at that time. In terms of the tremendous effort that we had put towards our relationship, I don't feel anyone can criticize us in that area.

ND: Ever thought that Barbara would choose a career in acting? After you found out she became an actress, were you surprised?

Rob: I was very surprised! If she had chosen to become a model, then no, I wouldn't be surprised, but the fact that she chose to go into acting definitely surprised me!

ND: When you two were dating, were you able to see that she had acting potential?

Rob: I was never aware that Barbara had acting potential and she never expressed to me that she was interested in acting. I feel that in Legend of the Condor Heroes, she did a good job playing the character.

ND: Have you ever thought about what would've happened if you and Barbara had never broken up?

Rob: If we were still together, we definitely would have been married already, as Barbara would not have accepted it otherwise. I feel that we would still be very intimate, as my girlfriend and I still hold hands and hug even now. To me, that kind of thing is a normal part of a relationship. If we had not broken up, I am absolutely sure that my life right now would be very different because Barbara and I have very different personalities, whereas my current girlfriend and I have very similar personalities. With the differences in our background and personalities, I can't imagine how we'd be able to raise children or start a business together, or even resolve cultural differences and family issues. I don't feel that we would be arguing all the time, but it's inevitable that one person would need to give in and compromise – I'm afraid that person would most likely be me, since Barbara has a stronger personality than I do.

PART 3

What if: "If I had a chance to meet Kent Tong, I believe we would have a lot to talk about"

In 1985, Rob received a letter from his friend DI. In the letter, DI told him about Barbara's death and how when he was visiting the grave of a friend's grandmother in Cambridge, he happened to come across Barbara's grave. In the subsequent weeks, Rob constantly felt sad and at a loss – he expressed that his sorrow was because the woman he had once loved is gone forever. In his writings, it's obvious that Rob has beautiful memories of his relationship with Barbara that are difficult to part with – asked what his current feelings are towards Barbara, he replied that he felt pity, regret, and also a bit of guilt: "because she truly deserved to have a happy life!"

Q&A

ND: Recently, when you politely rejected an invitation to be interviewed by a HK magazine [FACE Magazine], you had included in your email response: "When I heard that Barbara had committed suicide, I actually was not surprised." Based on your understanding of Barbara, do you feel that she is the type of person who tries to avoid reality?

Rob: The reason I said that was because back in England, I had already gone through the experience of Barbara trying to commit suicide once before [by taking sleeping pills]. I know that if she had to endure huge emotional pressure, she most likely would have chosen suicide as her way to avoid having to face it. Those who read my writings will discover that emotionally, Barbara is a very fragile person. When it comes to her love relationships, she is willing to sacrifice everything – if she were ever to feel that my love and consideration for her was any less than what it was, she would feel very uncomfortable and also get very emotional.

ND: On May 14th, 1985, Barbara was discovered dead in her home due to the poison from the gas fumes. At the time, she had left a 'note' on her calendar that merely said 'Darling, I love you.' In one of your stories, you had mentioned this and didn't understand why she would write down those words in English. Do you feel those last words were meant for you? Or do you wish that they were?

Rob: I don't know why she wrote those words in English. When I was first told about it, my first reaction was: 'No! I hope those words weren't meant for me!' I started to look through all the information about her life to see if I could find anything about her having another English-speaking boyfriend after we broke up, but I couldn't find any. I definitely hope that those words were not meant for me because that would imply that all this time, she was not able to let go of our relationship – if that were the case, it would make me feel extremely guilty because she absolutely deserves to have a happy and joyous life.

ND: What are your feelings toward Barbara now? Do you still have feelings of love toward her or just feelings of cherishing her memory?

Rob: Neither one actually – I feel regret that she was not able to experience the joys of family life like I'm experiencing now. I truly did love Barbara at one point, but later on, I found a new love relationship and discovered a different type of joy. I hoped for the same for her. To be honest though, she will always have a place in my heart, a place that will always be reserved for her.

ND: After Barbara's death, the general public placed most of the blame on her boyfriend at the time, Kent Tong...were you aware of that? What are your thoughts on this?

Rob: I did read up a bit about Kent Tong – I don't know him personally, so I don't have any comment toward him. But I suspect that he probably did not know how fragile Barbara was emotionally because she most likely did not tell him about her life in England or about our past relationship. I don't mind meeting him – I believe we would have many things we could talk about. If he were able to share about his relationship with Barbara on my website, that would be even better.

ND: Initially after you two broke up, you did write some letters to each other. If there were mailmen who could deliver letters to her in Heaven, would you still write to her now? If so, what would you say to her?

Rob: Yes, I definitely would write to her – the same kind of long, beautiful letter! I would also have her visit my website so we could re-live the beautiful, happy memories together.

ND: Based on everything that you've done for Barbara, it's apparent that you're the type of person who cherishes relationships. From your writings, we understand that right now, you have a steady girlfriend, and 3 lively, cute daughters – your family life is very harmonious and happy. Currently, what is your view towards love and marriage?

Rob: I believe that if you truly love each other and guard each other, not getting married won't have much impact. To me, marriage just helps provide a 'guarantee' to those who may find it difficult to guard each other otherwise. In reality, I've already witnessed many examples of marriages breaking apart and ending in divorce.

*** TO BE CONTINUED****

Translation: llwy12@ http://asianfanatics.net 

南都亚洲独家专访翁美玲荷兰籍前男友Rob,尽诉他与翁美玲30年前的爱情生活

“The 她是一个愿意为爱情付出所有的人”

摘要:这个6月初,已逝女星翁美玲(Barbara)的前男友、荷兰籍男子Rob忽然变成了互联网搜索的热门人物。成为热门的主要原因是,Rob三年前开始为翁美玲制作的纪念网站,终于在今年4月中旬宣布“竣工”,并于网上加载了不少他与前女友相恋时的珍贵旧照。图文并茂的网站,一段动人的“剑桥恋情”,唤起了不少人对翁美玲的思念和回忆。

这个6月初,已逝女星翁美玲(Barbara)的前男友、荷兰籍男子Rob忽然变成了互联网搜索的热门人物。成为热门的主要原因是,Rob三年前开始为翁美玲制作的纪念网站,终于在今年4月中旬宣布"竣工",并于网上加载了不少他与前女友相恋时的珍贵旧照。图文并茂的网站,一段动人的"剑桥恋情",唤起了不少人对翁美玲的思念和回忆。(来源:南方都市报 南都网)    她是许多人心中永远的"俏黄蓉"。她在娱乐圈的轨迹短暂却辉煌,于1982年参选香港小姐出道,1983年即因主演《射雕英雄传》的"黄蓉"一角一炮而红,随后登台、演唱、主持、演戏,各类片约蜂拥而至。1985年5月,在演艺事业如日中天之际,她却突然自杀身亡,终年26岁。香销玉殒,坊间将矛头直指翁美玲当年的男友汤镇业,猜测她因与其发生感情问题而开煤气自杀。

    这样的揣测为翁美玲的爱情披上了不少悲情的色彩。每每谈及她的恋情,外界总离不开"汤镇业"这个名字。Rob的出现,让不少人颇感惊讶。尽管他与她之间又是一段无疾而终的恋情,但两人长达五年的"剑桥之恋",当中的细节故事打动了不少人。同时,这还向外界展现了一个"从未被发现"的翁美玲,正如有的影迷所说"读这些故事仿似剥洋葱,每个故事仿似揭开一层Barbara(翁美玲英文名)不为大众所知的一面,从而离真实的她更近一些。"

    重新认识翁美玲的同时,Rob的存在也让影迷和传媒倍感好奇。实际生活中的他到底是一个怎样的人?耗时三年制作的网站究竟花费了他多少的心血?30年前的记忆缘何能如此清晰地印记在他脑海里?他与她在这段恋情中是否曾有过遗憾?对于曾经深爱过的这个女孩,他现在心怀着怎样的情感?翁美玲那句英文遗言"Darling,I loveyou"为何让他耿耿于怀、期盼解答......太多的疑惑促使了我们这次跨国的追访。

    从约访到完成采访,耗时大半个月。过程中,Rob曾就接受采访而犹豫过,他向南方都市报记者解释,此前的他并没有做过任何的专访,而近段时间有许多不同的媒体约访,他希望尽可能地保持低调。最终,他只答应了其中两家媒体的采访邀约———一家是荷兰当地的华人媒体,很幸运地,另一家就是南方都市报。收到Rob的答复时,他在信件中写了这么一句:"我对所有的问题都诚实作答,对你们没有做半点隐瞒"。

    Part1

    网站:从未预料过会受到这么大的关注

    "我从来没有想过翁美玲至今仍这么受欢迎。因为她离开已经将近30年了,而她作为演员只不过是两年半的时间。(网站)获得如此大的关注完全超乎我的想象。"

    得益于神奇的互联网,R ob和翁美玲的爱情才得以被大家知晓。

    2009年圣诞节,R ob在网上做了一个小实验。他想看看自己在网上有多少公开的信息。结果网上显示了他不少的信息,这让他感到吃惊。随后,他又开始思考,互联网产生前的人会不会也有信息?他首先想到的是离世多年的翁美玲,"我都不敢相信自己看到了什么。我读到了Wikipedia上的一篇关于B arbara的文章,然后我开始在网上读影迷的文章及浏览他们的网站。我留意到网上没有任何有关我们关系的文字。于是我给一些网站写信,说我有一些回忆和照片,但没有回音。我注意到近期不再有新的消息发表,一些网站甚至不再存在。我猜想这么多年过去了,Barbara已被遗忘了。"新年期间,R ob和家人决定做一个回忆翁美玲的视频,R ob的父亲找到了许多的照片。R ob将视频命名为"无人知道的爱情故事",然后发布在网上。之后,R ob先前联系过的影迷会主动联系他,有影迷发邮件问他关于翁美玲的记忆,他开始记录下相关的故事。那年是2010年,正好是翁美玲逝世25周年。

    三年以来,R ob在网上以图文并茂的方式,持续地更新他与翁美玲之间的故事。网页最初成立时,他上传的相片已开始在网上流传。直至今年4月,R ob表示整个网站已完成,还加载了不少图片,其中有不少是他和翁美玲的牵手或接吻的亲密照。两人的故事开始在华人网络广泛地流传开来,多家媒体对R ob及其网站进行报道,不少人都知道该网站。网站迅速地涌入了大批访问者,这让支撑网站运营的网络服务器难以招架。网站濒临瘫痪,让人一度难以进入。6月6日,因为过于庞大的访问量,R ob不得不关闭网站,从而进行技术调整,一周后才再次开放。

    Q&A

    南方都市报(以下简称南都):在建立这个网站的过程中,你最常涌现的感受有哪些?

    Rob:这是非常开心的感觉,我就像重新回到以前的日子。在全家人睡着时,我写下了这些故事。如此安静地写作,牵引着我的记忆回到了30多年前,我就像走进了一部电影中,我清晰地记得其中的画面。

    南都:作为一个医科专业的学生,做网站应该算不上你的强项吧?

    Rob:我从来没有制作网页的经验。建立这个网站时,我有一个礼拜的假期,我咨询了一个邻居,他给了我一些建设网站的建议。

    南都:你如何分配时间进行网站建设?这会耽误你平时的工作和生活吗?

    Rob:不会(耽误太多时间)。我只是在每周日晚上,当家里人都睡下时才做网站的工作。当然我每天还是会检查网站,以防止一些辱骂性的评论。但很不幸,这种状况时常会发生,这时我就会清理掉这些评论。我不介意一些针对我或者反对我的言论,但是我在意那些不尊重人的评论。

    南都:这个纪念网站的照片都完好如初,很好奇你是如何保存的?这些冲晒出来的照片,你和Barbara都有保留一份吗?

    Rob:我必须要感谢我的父亲,他在去年去世了。他是一个生活很有条理的人,包括对相片的保存。他将我们拍的每一张照片都附上了时间、地点,然后存档。Barbara从来不会保留我们这些照片,因为她害怕被妈妈发现,这势必会惹来争吵。

    南都:看得出,你为建设这个网站倾注了不少心血。除了既有的旧照片外,你还有旧地重游专门拍一些新照片,对吗?

    Rob:是,我回去了(一些老地方)。因为我对那些地方拥有非常美好的回忆,有些是我和我的英国朋友一起回去的,更妙的是,他们也可以分享自己美好的回忆。

    南都:你通过文字,按照不同的年份记录了你和Barbara的故事。文章写得很详尽,这是你第一次进行这么长篇的文字创作?

    Rob:有时候我会写日记,尤其是在假期时。我也很享受写信,一些朋友都有可能收到我写得非常长的信件,但过去几个月我已经没有时间做这事了。

    南都:还记得网站第一天正式开放的情景?

    Rob:我开放了网站,然后去观察人们是否能够找到它。这是让人兴奋的事情。我记得第一个评论来自Carina,她是我在香港翁美玲粉丝俱乐部的联系人。她称赞了我的工作。在某种程度上,我觉得人们会因为和Barbara有相似的经历对她有更加深刻的记忆,而并非像她现在这样,只是以"美丽的女演员"这个身份被大家记住。我觉得她会替我感到骄傲的。

    南都:网站耗时三年才制作完成。除了消耗大量的精力之外,是否还需要财政支出?

    Rob:我没有雇佣专人做这个网站。以前这个网站并不会花费我太多金钱,因为我用的是我能找到的最便宜的网络服务器,能足够应付每天200人的访问量。但是,上个月庞大的访问人群,让服务器瘫痪。我必须要和提供专业网络服务器的公司合作,他们提供的网络服务非常好,不幸的是,我必须支付一定的金额购买(服务)。这也是为什么我在网页中设立捐款渠道的原因。

    南都:网站吸引了如此庞大的浏览数量,你有曾预料过?网民的热情是不是超乎你的想象了?

    Rob:我以前每个礼拜三都发表一篇文章,有粉丝会追我的故事。当这些故事完结之后,访问量就减少了。根据我调查翁美玲在香港的生活,我试图不断更新网站内容,比如文章的翻译,放电台或电视访问等的音视频文件等。我从没有想过翁美玲至今仍这么受欢迎。因为她离开已经将近30年了,而她作为演员只不过是两年半的时间。(网站)获得如此大的关注完全超乎我的想象。

    Part2

    回忆:爱情受阻挠时,她可以决绝到以死抗议

    "现在回头看,没能够保持联系,害怕介入对方的生活,是我们犯的最大的错误!"

    "我从来没有遇到过一个像她这样愿意为爱情付出所有的人。"

    Rob用文字、图片和视频的方式,尽可能详尽地记录着他和翁美玲相处的点滴。他用英文书写过后,还特地请朋友帮忙翻译,推出中文版本,方便华语读者阅读。

    Rob对这段恋情的记忆清晰得让人诧异。故事从他们1976年的相遇说起,Rob和Barbara不顾女方家人的反对执意交往,他们在五年的时光里幸福又紧张地守护着这段早知没有结果的恋情———他们在剑桥的浪漫时光,忐忑不安的新年幽会,无比快乐的意大利之旅、滑稽可笑的遛狗经历、完美浪漫的订婚仪式、惊心动魄的家长会面、伤心痛苦的两次分手......R ob将这些多姿多彩的爱情瞬间细致描绘,甚至连两人交谈过的话语都一一尽录。Rob自己有时也搞不明白为什么对这一切依然记忆犹新。

    他笔下的B arbara美丽出众、敏感脆弱,会任性会吃醋还会伪装,爱情受阻挠时,她可以决绝到以死抗议。生前的她曾对R ob说,希望两人在50岁时能如R ob的父母般牵手、搂抱,依然挚爱对方。可惜动人故事终抵不过残酷现实,两人终究以分手收场。R ob说:"现在回头看,没能够保持联系,害怕介入对方的生活,是我们犯的最大的错误。"

    这让人忍不住心生美好的遐想,假如他们当初没有分开,假如他们分开后保持联系,一切又会怎样?

    Q&A

    南都:在你书写的这么多和Barbara的回忆片段里,你最喜欢哪一个故事?

    Rob:我最喜欢的一篇是《差点被发现》,主要是因为我清楚地记得当中的每一分钟,想象着我所感受的,当时的我在毛毯里屏住呼吸躺着,听着翁美玲母亲上楼梯的脚步声......当我在书写或想起这一幕时,我至今仍能感觉到皮肤的汗水。(我最大的女儿就会问我:"为什么你那样笑,爸爸?")

    南都:这段恋情中,B arbara最吸引你的地方是什么?

    Rob:她无条件的爱。我从来没有遇到过一个像她这样愿意为爱情付出所有的人。(来源:南方都市报 南都网)

    南都:你在回忆的文字中提到,Barbara对你产生了积极的影响。有具体的事例吗?

    Rob:那时我每天得过且过,我对生活唯一在意的是我过得是否快乐。我没有上进心,乐意去尝试做任何事。Barbara比我认真许多,她拥有更多的人生阅历,当时除了上学还要应对鱼肉薯片店的工作。她教育我,人并不总是像你我所看到的那样。我曾经相信人们告诉我的任何事情,而她会表现得更多疑和谨慎。有一次,我们走在伦敦街头,有个陌生人问我要不要跟他一起去喝酒,我当时想为什么不呢?幸运的是,Barbara说服了我,跟陌生人喝酒可能并不是一个好主意。当然,她是对的。

    南都:将近三十年过去,你对这段恋情的记忆美好如昔。有没有后悔选择跟她分手?

    Rob:我们双方都知道,仍旧在一起是行不通的。但我现在才发现,自打我们分手后,她是多么的不开心。我感到后悔和内疚,我没有和她保持联系。

    南都:对这段恋情会有遗憾?

    Rob:没有,如果你们能看到我们为了在一起曾有多么地努力。我觉得我们做了所有当时能做的。在说尝试为爱情努力的这方面,我觉得大家对我们不能有任何的责备。

    南都:有想过Barbara会选择走演艺这条路?得知她成为演员后,你感到吃惊?

    Rob:我非常吃惊。她如果是成为一个模特,我并不会吃惊,但演员的话却是让人非常惊讶。

    南都:在你们相恋的时候,你有看出她拥有很好的演艺潜能?

    Rob:我从来没觉得B arbara有演戏的潜力,她也没有展示任何演戏的野心。我想她在《射雕英雄传》里,她只是很好地演绎了一个角色。

    南都:你是否有过这样的念想,假如当初你和Barbara没有分开,现在的你们会是怎样?

    Rob:如果我们能在一起,我一定已经结婚了,否则Barbara一定不会接受的。我觉得我们依然会很亲热,我和我的爱人现在仍然会拥抱和牵手。对我来说,这些是一段正常关系的一部分。假如没有分开,我很确定我的生活会跟现在很不一样,Barbara和我有很不一样的个性,而我如今的爱人和我则有比较多相似的个性。在双方都如此不同的情况下,我无法想象我们如何一起生养孩子、创业、解决文化差异和家庭的问题。我们不会争吵,但必定有一方需要作出妥协,恐怕那一方会是我,因为Babara的个性比我强多了。

    Part3

    假如:如果我见到汤镇业,

    我们可能会有很多话题可以聊

    "我知道如果她承受了巨大的精神压力的话,她也许会通过自杀的方式逃离现实。"

    "我为她感到惋惜,她没能像我这样经历拥有家庭的这种快乐......她在我心中仍占有一席之地,那个位子一直都是留给她的。"

    1985年,R ob收到了朋友D I的来信。D I在信中告诉了他Barbara的死讯,以及在去英国剑桥郊外探望朋友的祖母墓地时,恰巧看到了Barbara的墓碑。接连的好几周,R ob都处于非常难过、失落的状态,他说他的悲伤是因为曾经爱过的人已经永远离开了。R ob在字里行间都透露着对这段恋情无限的怀念和不舍,问现在的他对Barbara是怎样的一种情感?他说有惋惜、有愧疚,"因为她值得拥有幸福快乐的生活!"

    Q&A

    南都:近期你在礼貌性拒绝香港一本周刊(《Face》)采访时,在邮件里附上一句"听到Barbara自杀的消息我并没有感到惊讶"。依据你对Barbara的了解,你认为她是一个容易逃避现实的人么?

    Rob:我之所以这么说,那是因为我在英国已经历过Barbara(吞服安眠药)自杀的历史。我知道如果她承受了巨大精神压力的话,她也许会通过自杀的方式逃离现实。读过我网上的故事就会发现,她是一个情感非常脆弱的人。她在爱情中付出了一切,如果她觉得我对她的关心变少了,她会感到不安,并且变得非常情绪化。

    南都:1985年5月14日,Barbara被发现在家中因煤气中毒而身亡。当时她在日历牌上留着一句话"D arling,I love you(亲爱的,我爱你)"。你在故事的结尾处也提及此事,不解为什么她用英文写下了这句话。你觉得这句遗言是她为你而留的?还是你希望如此?

    Rob:我不知道她为什么用英文写下了那些字。当我被告知时,我想到的第一件事就是"噢!不!我希望那不是对我说的"。我开始去寻找她的人生故事,希望能找到在我们分手之后,她还有另外说英语的男朋友,但我还没有找到。我当然希望那不是对我说的,那意味着她从来没有走出我们的爱情,会让我对她感觉内疚,因为她值得拥有幸福快乐的生活。

    南都:现在的你对Barbara的感情是怎样的?你觉得对她是爱情还是一种怀念?

    Rob:不是爱亦不是怀念,我为她感到惋惜,她没能像我这样经历拥有家庭的这种快乐。我曾经的确很爱Barbara,但后来我找到了一段新的爱情,发现新的快乐。我希望她也能一样。但老实说,她在我心中仍占有一席之地,那个位子一直都是留给她的。

    南都:Barbara的离开,外界将大部分的原因都归咎于汤镇业,你知道他吗?你如何看待这种观点?(来源:南方都市报 南都网)

    Rob:我有读过汤镇业的故事。我不认识他,所以对他没有任何的评论。但我怀疑他也许不知道B arbara是一个感情多么脆弱的人,因为她可能不曾告诉他,她在英国的生活,也不曾告诉他我们的过往。我不介意去见他,我想我们会有很多话题可以聊,如果他能在我的网站上发表他和Barbara的故事就更好了。

    南都:你们分手之后有通过书信。假如现在天堂有信差,此刻的您会写信给她么?你在信中会对她说些什么?

    Rob:是的,我一定会给她写信,一封漂亮的、长长的信。我也会让她去看我的网站,我们一起重温这些故事会是很棒的时光。

    南都:从你为Babara所做的一切,可以知道你是一个很重感情的人。我们从故事中知道,你现在拥有稳定的伴侣和三个活泼可爱的女儿,家庭相处和睦幸福。现在的你对爱情和婚姻的看法是怎样的?

    Rob:我相信当你相爱并相守的时候,没有结婚也不会影响什么。结婚只是给那些不能相守的人提供保证。事实上,我已经看过很多婚姻破裂的例子。

    ■独家提供未曾公开过的一幕

    她的哭泣,他的沮丧

    R ob在网站最后留言说,他已讲完想讲的故事,展示了他想展示的照片,而更多他与Barbara的记忆,将作为私人的回忆留存。他说不会再在网站中分享。借着这次难得的采访机会,说起他和Barbara印象深刻的一两件事时,他又分享了一个不曾在网站中公开过的一幕———

    "有一天,Barbara走进我的寓所,她有钥匙。我站起来迎接她,她一句话不说走过来,紧紧地抱着我,然后开始哭泣。她当时承受了太多的压力以至于濒临崩溃状态,她需要将这些伤心的情绪宣泄出去。我站在那里,感觉到她温热的泪水穿过我胸口的衬衣。那一刻,我能感觉到自己的愤怒和挫败感,不是因为Barbara,而是我对整个环境无能为力,还有她的哭泣(也让我伤心)。"

   时光隧道

    A 相识

    孤独的长头发

    我仍然能回想起1976年我第一次遇见翁美玲。她像往常一样独自一人坐在C C A T的学生食堂里面,她总是在一个黑色笔记本里面写着什么东西。我对她,一个孤独的留着长头发的中国女孩产生了好奇。我第一次走到她的面前,问她,"你在写什么?""我在写我的日志。"带着北伦敦英语口音的她回答到。她把日志递给我让我看。我读不懂中文,但我能看懂日志里面的几句英文歌词,其中有《坐着喷气式飞机离开》,约翰·丹佛的歌。我同时也能辨认出一句哈里·尼尔森的歌《失去你》中的一句———"你总是微笑,但在你眼中却能看见忧伤。"

    B 挫折

    翁妈妈的忧虑

    一个星期六晚上,我的兄弟们感到很饿。他们都知道我喜欢翁美玲,而翁美玲又是在鱼肉薯片餐厅工作。他们决定前往翁美玲那里。我当然也加入了他们,因为我很想见翁美玲。想象一下,当你在清净的鱼肉薯片餐馆工作时,突然见到6个意想不到的骑着重型摩托车穿着皮衣的男男女女走进店中是何种感觉。至少翁美玲家人看到之后感觉很不好。由于翁美玲在剑桥艺术科学学院已经认识了我这些朋友。因此,她十分亲切地和我们交谈。她这个举动使她的家人更担忧。当然,翁美玲没有告诉她家人,在这群男孩中,有一个她喜欢的。

    C 新年

    幸福的起航

    翁美玲给我们指路去伦敦。对我来说,这是我第一次去唐人街。唐人街给我留下了深刻的印象。街灯柱被一连串钱币装饰着,然后巨大的舞龙过来吃掉这串钱币。锣鼓声一直相伴活动的左右。为了在拥挤的人群中不被冲散,我和翁美玲必须拉紧对方的手。一开始我们会马上把握紧的手又松开,但很快,翁美玲开始不放开我的手了。过了一会,当我站在她后面看舞龙时,她开始把身体倚靠向我。很快,我也把我的胳膊搂着她。当那天差不多结束,是时候回家时,我和她就成了一对。

    D 家庭

    奢侈的向往

    翁美玲在我们家轻松的氛围中感到非常舒适。她与我兄弟们相处也很好。有时,翁美玲甚至为我们下厨做菜。有一天我悠闲地躺在地板上与我的母亲交谈,虽然翁美玲不能明白我们说什么,但她看起来像是认真地听,并且微笑着。我问她,你为什么要微笑。她说,她喜欢我与我母亲交流的这种方式,渴望她自己也能与自己的母亲在家里以这种方式交谈。翁美玲说她很喜欢看我父母依然互相握着手,搂抱在一起。她希望当我们也是那个年龄时(大约50岁),我们也能那样挚爱对方。

    E 自杀

    整瓶的安眠药

    翁美玲母亲发现,她的女儿有了个男朋友,她和男朋友两人独自去度假了,并且那个男朋友不是中国人。当翁美玲周五晚回到家中,事情一定超出了想象。我不知道到底发生了什么事情,只是翁美玲不得不发誓以后不再见我了。第二周的星期一晚上,当翁美玲的妈妈在室外打麻将时,翁美玲服下了整瓶安眠药。幸运的是,她妈妈及时回到了房间,翁美玲被紧急送到了医院去洗胃。一名社会服务人员告诉我,翁美玲的服安眠药行为是典型的自杀例子,这种例子她也碰到过许多。

    F 同居

    我们的公寓

    公寓包含一个卧室、一个厨房和一个卫生间。我应当说这是我们的公寓,因为翁美玲把它当做第二个家。翁美玲有这里的钥匙,她甚至把猫带到了这里。当翁美玲有空时,她就会来到公寓。有时,我们错过对方,但是翁美玲让自己在我们的地方很舒适。有了自己能去的地方,我们在翁美玲必须回家工作前有几小时一起的时间。周一成了属于我们的一天。我们不去学校。那是我们在一起的时刻。翁美玲白天来,然后我们一起待一天。有点像蚕茧般蜗居的生活。通常,翁美玲要补充周日工作而漏掉的睡眠时间。

    G Kiss

    甜蜜的接触

    只有我跟美玲在公寓,或放假没别人的时候,美玲喜欢穿我的衬衫或者套头衫。当我们在一起时,美玲喜欢跟我有身体上的接触。拉着手,或者把她的手臂放在我的手臂里面。还有轻微的,比如腿碰腿,捉住我的手指。总之就是有碰到。我注意到美玲和汤镇业的照片里,他们没有那样的接触。有人告诉我说在那时的香港,公共场合一般不会那样,尤其是明星。那对美玲来说肯定很难受吧。一旦我和美玲要分开,即使是只分开一个小时,她都会要一个Kiss,她说如果我发生了什么事,她都会一直记得这个最后的Kiss.

    H 联络

    奇怪的通话

    在1978年,作为学生,能拥有一部电话是很罕见的,并且美玲不许我向她家打电话找她,她可不想我打电话过去,是她妈妈或者她舅父拿起了听筒。甚至只要她家的电话铃一响,她就特别紧张,希望千万别是我。我们俩另想办法,在有什么突然事件发生时,美玲能够联系上我。我们找到了一个很贵但相当有效的办法:美玲可以打电话叫的士,要求的士司机开去我们的公寓,然后司机到我公寓来敲门传话给我,我再打电话过去。这种沟通的方式很贵,特别是如果我不在家时,的士就得多来几次才能撞到我,那我必须付每次的的士费。

    I 订婚

    传统的仪式

    订婚聚会安排在冬天。我先去了我父母家安排一切。Barbara后一步和英国的朋友们过来。订婚仪式很正式,我大哥是仪式主持人。他希望做成一个传统的订婚仪式。Barbara也很高兴。对她而言,正式仪式意味着每个人都把这次订婚看得很认真。仪式开始前她有点难过,她说那是她人生最快乐的一刻,她觉得遗憾母亲不能和她分享那个时刻。那晚的聚会延续到很晚。Barbara整晚都光彩照人。我们第二天下楼来的时候,还有些客人没散场呢。那是我们在一起的完美的浪漫时光。

    J 幽会

    伦敦的出租房

    B arbara从来没有告诉妈妈我每周到伦敦去看她。她担心妈妈会停付她的房租。有一次我们正朝她家走去,我看见有个人坐在他们家门口的台阶上,我以为是B arbara的舅舅。在房子前面的长椅上坐着几个人。我想也没想就一下子坐在他们边上,假装我认识他们。B arbara以为我发疯了。直到她告诉我那不是她舅舅,边上的那几个人也告诉我坐在台阶上的是和他们一伙的,我才敢走。2011年1月,我自1983年后首次回到Belsize公园。我惊喜地发现长椅还在原处。后面一排房子的第一座(开着灯的)就是Barbara原来的家。

    K 旅行

    难忘的威尼斯

    不知道B arbara用了什么办法,她居然获许和我一起外出度3周的夏日假期。我们想去一个温暖的国家。B arbara希望能够去历史悠久的城市,我则希望去接近大自然的地方。我们最终决定去意大利古城威尼斯附近,希望在那里美丽的郊外能找到一个可以露营的地点。这次旅行是那种一切皆如所愿的旅行。我们在湖边找到了露营地,离威尼斯不远周边有美丽的自然风光。我们的时间都用来在郊外漫步,在露营地玩游戏,用我们带来的橡皮船在湖里乱划,当然我们也去了威尼斯。

    L 分手

    古怪的分割

    我们回到Barbara的房间去收拾我的东西。很古怪,我们突然得分配我们共有的东西。尽管如此我们还是很理智,Barbara留着车子,我还是开我的摩托车。Barbara也保留了我们的联名账户,她总是把她的结余存进那个账户。我们不知道该怎么处置我们的订婚戒指,最终我们决定各自保留各自的那一枚。在站台上我们相互亲吻告别。那一刻Barbara终于不能控制自己的感情。她开始哭泣,不能停地哭泣。她推开我让我快点上车。我坐在车上,感到困惑、内疚,搞不清过去的两天到底发生了什么。

  M 复合

  戏里的场景

  1981年2月,我在一场足球比赛中受了很重的伤,我住了3周院。我被禁止活动,我想到Barbara,猜测她在做什么。我写了封信。信寄出后两天,那是个周六的下午,仿佛电影里才有的一幕发生了。我那时和三个其他病人住一间,他们后来告诉我我当时的表情就像是见到了鬼一样。因为计划没有人来探病,那天下午我迷迷糊糊要睡着了。Barbara走进了病房。她四处张望,看到了我就微笑了,向我走过来。她坐到我床上,伸手握住我的手,带着她那种甜甜的微笑对我说,H elloRobert,你好吗?

  N 告别

  不得已的决定

  随着期末考试的临近,我们开始意识到是时候为我们的未来做一个重要的决定。Barbara知道我一直想回荷兰。她也知道如果说服我为了她留在英国我会不快乐。我知道Barbara决不会为了我离开妈妈。几周后我回到荷兰开始我的新生活,一年后Barbara回到香港开始了她众所周知的一段生活。多年后我妈妈告诉我她记得我们分手那段时间Barbara给她打过电话,她问如果她和妈妈来荷兰生活,我父母是否能够在财务上支持她们的生活。我当时不知道这个电话。这表示她曾经认真地考虑过和我一起来荷兰。

  记者手记

  互通了14封邮件,

  才完成采访前期沟通

  向来很认同一句话———时光可以冲淡一切,包括记忆。直到Rob的出现,在网上细细阅读他书写的故事后,我对时光的"威力"有所保留。一段30多年前的爱恋,被描绘得如此细腻,历历在目,再加上上百张珍贵照片,整个故事非常动人,忍不住主动去信约Rob的访问。尽管网上故事很详尽,但总觉得和他应该还有另外的话题可聊。(来源:南方都市报 南都网)

  约访的那几天,正值Rob和翁美玲的感情事被广泛传播之际,网站无法负荷急剧上升的浏览量而频发技术问题。Rob在回邮中说网站的问题让他颇为费神,采访事宜估计必须推后。同时,他坦言人们警告过他要提防中文报纸,说有的媒体为了争取读者会歪曲事实,他表示了一定的顾虑。他的个性犹如他在文章中所描述的一样,直率、说话不拐弯抹角(印象深刻的是,他在文章中曾直指翁美玲在陌生人面前言不由衷,爱说别人喜欢听的话),但一直保持着礼貌的措辞。来回几次邮件沟通之后,Rob的顾虑才逐渐消除,答应接受访问。数了数,从约访到完成采访,我们互通了14封邮件。

  这不是一个圆满的爱情,但因为记忆和记录,它变得美丽动人。Rob用行动告诉你我,时光有时也可酝酿爱情的醇香。愿大多数人的生命中,都能拥有一段可以冲破时空考验的隽永爱情。

    专题采写南都记者 朱燕霞 实习生 姚为微

    图片及部分文字来源:

    http://www.barbarayung.nl/

    (获网站建立者Rob独家授权刊登)

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