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rmmmm1959@hotmail.com
Rob Radboud

www.barbarayung.nl

Barbara Yung's life in England

During our second week in London I got the definite message that Kings college was not going to accept my application. It was not a surprise. I didn't get the high grades they asked for. My grades were good but I just got a point short. We were hoping they might accept it, but they didn't. That whole week I went to all the universities in London, asking if I could follow my study there. Most of them were already full up and the ones that weren't, didn't offer a study I wanted. The university of East Anglia in Norwich, my 2nd choice, were very happy to have me, they even had a room reserved for me on their campus. Barbara and I considered going to Norwich together, but we decided against it. It would have been an enormous step backwards for Barbara in her education.

Me going to Norwich caused an immediate problem, we suddenly couldn't see each other. Norwich was about 3 hours by train from London and because of the compulsory practical's I had to follow, there was no way I could travel during the week to London. Barbara had to go to work in Histon on Friday evening and on Saturday. Therefore the only day we could meet was on Sunday in Cambridge. But there we had no place to go to. I can't remember how we managed. I suppose I went to Cambridge in the weekend and stayed with my friends and then meet Barbara on Sunday afternoon. In the evening we both had to go on our own way again. During the week we stayed in contact by phone. Barbara couldn't phone me as there were only public phones on the student campus. Therefore I phoned her in the evening at time that we had arranged. In Barbara house there was only one phone, she be waiting beside it when I was going to ring.

One Thursday evening when I phoned, Barbara she asked me if could come and see her immediately, she had something to tell me. She sounded very serious. Without hesitation I took the first train to London. Late that night I arrived at her place. There she told me that she had been feeling very unhappy and lonely the last few weeks. She didn't want to live a life like this. And last Tuesday she was feeling so down that she swallowed the contents of a bottle of sleeping pills. Soon after this she felt sorry about it and started hitting with her fists on the wall. Her neighbor, a German girl who Barbara had met a few times, reacted immediately. Luckily she was a nurse and knew what to do. Barbara was directly taken to hospital where her stomach was emptied. This morning she was dismissed out of the hospital. Barbara told this story without any emotions, a kind monotonous description of what had happened.

I was stunned, amazed and cross. I accused Barbara of being selfish. I tried to explain to her that my and her family's life would have been destroyed if she had died. It seemed that she was not very impressed by what I was saying. But she did promise me that she would never try to commit suicide again. Sadly this is the only promise she made me, she did not keep.

Another thing that worried me was that I had no idea that Barbara was this depressed. She took me really by surprise. I knew that we both were not happy with this situation of only seeing each other only once a week. The thought that we be together again during the holidays kept me going. For me university life was new, exiting. I lived on the campus. A place isolated from the normal world where several thousand young people aged between 18 and 21 lived together in an own world. It had great sport facilities, own shops, a cinema and an entertainment complex. I was meeting lots of friendly and interesting people. There was an enormous energy here and for me lots of new experiences. I assumed that Barbara would enjoy and discover her new life in London as well. But she hadn't. She didn't join in any student activities. She didn't want to meet new friends. After college she just went home to her room. Very much the opposite of me.

Barbara's mother and I realized independently that we had to do something if Barbara was to survive her study in London. Barbara's mother agreed that Barbara was allowed to see me on Friday evening till Saturday morning and again on Sunday afternoon and evening. I organized a system with my friends at the university where they vouch for me and sign me in for the college's and practical's on Wednesday. That way I could leave Norwich Tuesday late afternoon for London and go back to Norwich late at night Wednesday. I arranged with my friends Steve and Di in Cambridge that I stayed in their house in the weekends and have my own room. That way Barbara could see me in the weekends when ever she wanted. Even the landlady in London told me that I could stay as often as I liked. I guess she thought that me being around would prevent any further trouble with Barbara.

 

 

又一次(自杀)

在伦敦的第二周我收到了国王学院的通知,我的申请被否绝了。这并不意外,因为我的分数不够高,只是超过分数线一点点,我们本希望他们可以录取我,但还是没有录取。那一周我走访了伦敦所有的大学,努力找寻我在那继续学习的可能性。大多数的学校已经招满了,有一家没有,但那个专业不是我所想要的。诺维克的东安吉利亚大学非常乐意录取我,这是我的第二意向,他们还在校园内预留了一间宿舍给我。我和美玲本打算一起到诺维克去,但最终放弃了这个念头,如果那样,这对美玲的学业来说会是巨大的倒退。

去诺维克的话产生了一个问题,我们忽然无法见面了。诺维克到伦敦坐火车需要三个小时,而且由於我有一些必修的社会实践活动需要参加,平时我就无法去伦敦了。美玲周五晚上和周六必须去希斯顿工作,所以只有周日我们才能在剑桥碰面了。而且我们也没有地方去,我记不起当时我们是怎么安排的。我想应该是周末我去剑桥和我朋友呆一起,然后周日午后再和美玲见面,晚上我们就再分手踏上归程,平时就电话联系。美玲没法打电话给我,因为她的学校只有公用电话,所以晚上我们约定时间我打电话给她。她的宿舍里只有一部电话,到了约定时间,她会在守在一旁等我的电话。

某个周四晚上我打电话给美玲,她问我能否马上过去见她,她有些事要跟我说。她的话音很严肃,我没有犹豫,坐上了第一班去伦敦的火车。晚些时候,我到了她那,她告诉我这几周她感到很不开心,很孤独。她不想过这样的日子,上周二她情绪很低落,她服食了一整瓶的安眠药。但很快她就开始后悔,不停地用拳头击墙。她隔壁的室友,一个德国女孩,美玲之前和她见过几次面,听到了声音后立刻赶了过来。很幸运,她是个护士,知道如何处理。美玲被送到医院做了洗胃。那天早上刚从医院回来。她告诉我这些的时候,很平静,就是那种不带任何感情色彩的语气在描述所发生的这一切。

我很震惊,觉得匪夷所思,无法理解。我责怪她太自私了。我尝试着跟她解释:如果她走了,我和她的家庭整个生活都会被毁了。但似乎她并没有被我的说话所触动。她承诺她绝不会再做这样的傻事,很可惜,她对我唯一的承诺,她也没有做到。

另一件令我担忧的事是我完全不明白她为甚么会这么沮丧,她的所作所为实在令我很意外。我知道如果再这样下去,我们每周只能见面一次,我们两个都会不开心。想到假期我们又能在一起,我就会好多了。对我来说,大学生活是新鲜的,令人兴奋的。我住在校内,一个和外界隔离的地方,成群的18-21岁的年轻人一起生活在自己的世界里。这里有很多运动设施,自己的商店,影院和游乐场馆。我认识了很多热情有趣的人。在这里我充满了动力,有很多新的体验。我原以为美玲在伦敦同样会对新的生活充满热情,但是她没有。她没有参加任何学生活动,她也不想认识新朋友,上完课她就回宿舍,和我完全相反。

美玲的妈妈和我都意识到,如果她在伦敦还是这样维持她的学业的话, 我们得做些甚么才好。她妈妈同意她周五晚上到周六早上和周日午后到晚上这段时间可以来见我。我让我在大学的朋友在周三的社会实践活动替我担保、签到。那样的话我就可以在周二下午离开诺维克去伦敦,然后周三晚上再回来。我跟我在剑桥的朋友STEVE和DI商量好周末我住他们那,这样我就有了自己的房间。美玲也能随时来看我。伦敦的包租婆也说我随时可以去那呆着。我想她一定是认为我在那的话可以避免将来美玲再有甚么麻烦。

 

(Translated by eblc2006)

 

 

 又一次(自殺)

在倫敦的第二周我收到了國王學院的通知,我的申請被否絕了。這並不意外,因為我的分數不夠高,只是超過分數線一點點,我們本希望他們可以錄取我,但還是沒有錄取。那一周我走訪了倫敦所有的大學,努力找尋我在那繼續學習的可能性。大多數的學校已經招滿了,有一家沒有,但那個專業不是我所想要的。諾維克的東安吉利亞大學非常樂意錄取我,這是我的第二意向,他們還在校園內預留了一間宿舍給我。我和美玲本打算一起到諾維克去,但最終放棄了這個念頭,如果那樣,這對美玲的學業來說會是巨大的倒退。

去諾維克的話產生了一個問題,我們忽然無法見面了。諾難克到倫敦坐火車需要三個小時,而且由於我有一些必修的社會實踐活動需要參加,平時我就無法去倫敦了。美玲周五晚上和周六必須去希斯頓工作,所以只有周日我們才能在劍橋碰面了。而且我們也沒有地方去,我記不起當時我們是怎麼安排的。我想應該是周末我去劍橋和我朋友呆一起,然後周日午後再和美玲見面,晚上我們就再分手踏上歸程,平時就電話聯繫。美玲沒法打電話給我,因為她的學校只有公用電話,所以晚上我們約定時間我打電話給她。她的宿舍裏只有一部電話,到了約定時間,她會在守在一旁等我的電話。

某個周四晚上我打電話給美玲,她問我能否馬上過去見她,她有些事要跟我說。她的話音很嚴肅,我沒有猶豫,坐上了第一班去倫敦的火車。晚些時候,我到了她那,她告訴我這幾周她感到很不開心,很孤獨。她不想過這樣的日子,上周二她情緒很低落,她服食了一整瓶的安眠藥。但很快她就開始後悔,不停地用拳頭擊牆。她隔壁的室友,一个德國女孩,美玲之前和她見過幾次面,聽到了聲音后立刻趕了過來。很幸運,她是個護士,知道如何處理。美玲被送到醫院做了洗胃。那天早上剛從醫院回來。她告訴我這些的時候,很平靜,就是那種不帶任何感情色彩的語氣在描述所發生的這一切。

我很震惊,觉得匪夷所思,无法理解。我責怪她太自私了。我嘗試着跟她解釋:如果她走了,我和她的家庭整個生活都會被毀了。但似乎她並沒有被我的說話所觸動。她承諾她絕不會再做這樣的傻事,很可惜,她對我唯一的承諾,她也沒有做到。

另一件令我擔憂的事是我完全不明白她為甚麼會這麼沮喪,她的所作所为實在令我很意外。我知道如果再這樣下去,我們每周只能見面一次,我們兩個都會不開心。想到假期我們又能在一起,我就會好多了。對我來說,大學生活是新鮮的,令人興奮的。我住在校內,一個和外界隔離的地方,成群的18-21歲的年輕人一起生活在自己的世界裏。這裏有很多運動設施,自己的商店,影院和游樂場館。我認識了很多熱情有趣的人。在這裏我充滿了動力,有很多新的體驗。我原以為美玲在倫敦同樣會對新的生活充滿熱情,但是她沒有。她沒有參加任何學生活動,她也不想認識新朋友,上完課她就回宿舍,和我完全相反。

美玲的媽媽和我都意識到,如果她在倫敦還是這樣維持她的學業的話, 我們得做些甚麼才好。她媽媽同意她周五晚上到周六早上和周日午後到晚上這段時間可以來見我。我讓我在大學的朋友在周三的社會實踐活動替我擔保、簽到。那樣的話我就可以在周二下午離開諾維克去倫敦,然後周三晚上再回來。我跟我在劍橋的朋友STEVE和DI商量好周末我住他們那,這樣我就有了自己的房間。美玲也能隨時來看我。倫敦的包租婆也說我隨時可以去那呆着。我想她一定是認為我在那的話可以避免將來美玲再有甚麼麻煩。

(thanks to Ben for the translation)

 

 

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